Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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