what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
