Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i out mim tonsoeep
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
