Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
