i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
