HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
