you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
