I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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