Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
