i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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