omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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