no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm too high and old for this...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
