i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How does one acquire holy water?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
