If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
