Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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