how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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