my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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