I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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