I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
