Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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