ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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