WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
