whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
