i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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