I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
