Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
