I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
