I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
