Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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