We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
