I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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