whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
worst night to have a conscience
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
