I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
