Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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