Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
