I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
