oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
