You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
