I wish I only lived at night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
