please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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