wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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