the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
