just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
God I need to hump something, right now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
