I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I pour the whiskey from now on
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
