Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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