i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
