i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
