So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
