One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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