last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
