I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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