if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
