i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.