How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?