I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!