I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?