No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.