WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
