weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is Oprah even human
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
