do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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