so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
