You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
