I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She told me I should be a condom model.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
