Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
