My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
