Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
