clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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