oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
