I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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